To me, when I hit cloud nine is when I come out of the whole “dark” area, because I had triumph that evil, and that is something I should be proud of.
Clairene Tan wrote to us after a major national exam, sharing her views on what being ‘above’ Cloud 9 means to her, and some ways that motivate her to get out of her ‘dark’ periods. As young people, we may find this piece helpful, informative and relatable – but most of all, we hope that you take this away from The Light Above Cloud 9: You Are Not Alone [in your journey].
I would love to write this after I’ve gotten my O Level results, to write about how we can achieve something we can never hope to achieve, or be something more than we ever feel that we can. Instead, as I thought and reflected about what I am going to write, it suddenly hit me – being above Cloud Nine is not just about attaining something that makes you happy unexpectedly, and it is also not just about feeling euphoria because of a certain incident. It is the process, and the things that you went through that leads up to feeling above the clouds.
Everyone has their own moments of feeling and under the weather, but when you rise above it all, and fight your way through the monsters that are blocking your way to the exit of happiness, that sad moment becomes the most fulfilling experience ever. Trust me when I say this, because at certain times I experience intense sadness as well – not to the point of depression, but I experience it due to things like failure in examinations, the events of a bad day, or just from the negative vibes I get from the people around me. I feel hopeless, dejected, and I feel that I am not worth it enough to solve everything and make everything right. But I bottle it up, because I do not want to make the situation worse than it already is, so I might as well bite the bullet and swallow the angst that is growing in me and gnawing at my heart.
As the days go by, it gets more and more difficult, because the darkness continues to wrap itself around me – like, I can literally feel myself being more withdrawn. However, I know that it is not a good feeling, and so I try to do something that I enjoy and to let it all out. I let it out by writing, or sometimes even sleeping. You might be thinking, sleeping? Yes. Scientifically, sleeping calms emotions, that is why when you are angry and you wake up the next day, you feel slightly better. But of course I do not sleep because of that scientific reason, I sleep because it is something that i just do. People might think that I have an issue, because I sleep so much, and I am missing out on the outside life, but I beg to differ. I do it because I know it helps me, and it blocks out the pessimistic emotions that threaten to consume me. I write my emotions out, encrypt it with a password so that no one can read it, but it helps because my sadness will travel outwards towards the keyboard, towards the screen, and it is like safe locking it away. I disregard the comments from people, sometimes, I even play along because that’s what those people want – attention. And you give them that attention that they want, retort with snarky remarks, do what makes you feel best and I’m pretty confident that they’ll be keeping quiet for awhile.
I don’t know about you, but these things I do are just a head start towards my journey to feeling happier again, and because I know that there are many people around me who care for me, and who bothers trying to cheer me up and get me to do things, I don’t give up. I interact with them, and it brightens my day, and slowly the light will take over the darkness – as cliche as it sounds, and I feel myself feeling lighter. To me, when I hit cloud nine is when I come out of the whole “dark” area, because I had triumph that evil, and that is something I should be proud of. The people around me are also supportive, and even though I failed that major examination, I can always try again. It is not the end of the journey. Even though I feel left out at times, but I know that it is all in the mind and I just have to take the initiative to be “in” again. Even though people around me are arguing about something new everyday, I know that I cannot allow them to affect how I feel, and instead I can show some care and support to them, so that they will feel a little more love and happiness. This could help to prevent another argument the next day when the sun rises.
I know that there are many people around me who care for me, and who bothers trying to cheer me up and get me to do things, I don’t give up. I interact with them, and it brightens my day, and slowly the light will take over the darkness – as cliche as it sounds, and I feel myself feeling lighter.
These are the little things that I do to pave my way to the journey that allows me to feel that I have accomplished a lot, and to disperse the heaviness that is inside me. It is an ongoing journey, it does not stop when all the darkness goes away. The sadness will pile up again, and I will feel something less than I should ever feel, but because there are always people there [who care for me], and always something to look forward too, I try, try, and try again. Everyone has yet to experience so much of life, and life has so much more to give (another cliche line, yikes), but it is so, so true. Don’t ever feel that you are worthless, because whatever you are going through, keep the faith, it will be better. Do what makes you feel happy, and feel that you are a queen or a king. Forget the judgement from people, because they are not you, and only you know perfectly how to feel for yourself. So live life happily, feel nothing less than a 10/10. If you ever do[feel less than a 10.10], just remember that you are not alone, and nothing is hopeless when there is life.
Be it climbing up to cloud one, two, three or all the way till nine, every step of the way is something to look forward to; so peek behind the curtain of sadness, and smile because you never know if someone’s falling in love with life, or feeling inspired by life so much that they smile too – the cycle repeats for someone to feel on, or beyond cloud nine.
Forget the judgement from people, because they are not you, and only you know perfectly how to feel for yourself.
Read the piece here, in Issue 4: 3^2 Up, with accompanying photography by Cassandra Yeo!
Featured Image c/o Cassandra Yeo
Should you want to have a conversation with either Clairene or Cassandra, email us at email@example.com with the subject: 3^2 UP PERSPECTIVE. Drop a comment below if you enjoyed this piece – ❤ we’d love to read you, too!